RUSTY AUSTRALIA STUMBLE ON

If there were two things that Ricky P desperately needed to get out of their 4^th group game of the Cricket World Cup against Kenya in Bangalore yesterday, it was:

1.       Win toss, bat and give all the top order batsman some quality time in the middle, and

2.       Get some quality, confidence inducing bowling out of Jason Krejza



Krejza - "I'm no clown"

Well “one out of two” isn’t bad, but Krejza’s bowling, and the subsequent lack of a quality spin alternative in the squad, must be surely causing concern for the Coach and Captain. The seam bowling attack, which until now had been having significant success in the tournament, failed to fire with only Brett Lee producing a performance to be content with. The hot-and-cold Johnson and the fire-brand Tait took two wickets between them at an average economy rate of 5.5 runs per over. This is reasonable under normal circumstance but against Kenya, it looks very ordinary.

  As in previous matches, the Australian batting looked efficient against a solid and unspectacular attack and Mr. Cricket announced his arrival with a typical low profile quality innings of 54.

The next challenge for Australia is against unfancied Canada on Wednesday, again in spin-unfriendly Bangalore, and again the result should not be the issue as much the performance. It is essential again that Australia bat first and score a stack of runs but after four matches, containing 32 overs and returning only 2 wickets at 80 runs apiece, Krejza is running out of time to look the real-deal before the pressure cooker of the knock-out phase.

 Australia’s final hit-out for the quarter final seedings against Pakistan on Saturday, in Muralitharan friendly Colombo, may be Krejza’s last chance to impress pre the arrival of the business end of the tournament. If only there was a ready-made back-up at home then the unneeded Callum Ferguson could be “injured” for the benefit of the team and its tournament chances.

In other World Cup news:

1.       The admirable England is still doing their utmost to make all their games a thriller and pump-up otherwise disappointing TV ratings. Although letting the Bangladeshi 9^th wicket partnership score a 50+ run winning partnership may cause come concern for Strauss & Co.

2.       The curse of the power-play continues with India joining the list of teams who are following the inspirational England in using their batting power-play to routinely collapse and slow their run-rate......maybe a plan for Ricky.

“BOWL KREJZA IN THE POWER PLAYS....”

Still tipping the same eight to qualify for the next phase, with Group A playing out to form but Group B means taking a punt on England beating the so far impressive Windies on Thursday.

GRINS WIDER THAN A MITCHELL JOHNSON STOCK-BALL

ICC World Cup Day 15 (only 27 to go....)

Swanny giving the Mitch salute

It was anticipated that with the aloof majesty of the mighty Ganges, the Cricket World Cup would roll relentlessly onward, rolling over the small teams and allowing the heavy weights to keep their chins above water until their seeding deemed them superfluous. With the matches played to date this has very much been the case but the flow has hit some interesting white-water on its journey to the Coast thus earning the tournament some much needed non-sub-continent ratings.

Because just when you thought that Ireland beating England was one of the biggest World Cup upsets of all time, along came South Africa, probably the form team of the tournament so far, who last night in Chennai (“Madras” for the over 40’s) pulled off a choke that even the Great Greg Norman would be proud off. In losing their last 7 wickets for 41 runs they collapsed faster than the Case against Berlusconi will when suitable donations have been offered to all relevant parties.

England, who are single-handedly attempting to make the warm-up group phase watchable, came back from the dead and ended up defending a paltry 171 to win by a mere six runs. As yet there are no rumours as to any possible impropriety surrounding the result however Warnie’s Tweets are currently being reviewed as we go to press.

It was also a match full of records:

·         A World Cup record of 14 players from the one country, namely South Africa (10 on the South African team and 4 on the England team).

·         Most “Morne”s in a team (2)

·         Least impressive player to ever play for England (Michael  Yardy)

·         Best fist-pumping (Me when JP Duminy was cleaned bowled by Jimmy Anderson)

·         Biggest choke in Sport history that didn’t involve either North Sydney Bears or Kevin Keegan.

"I Loved it" declared Keegan 

In other news, in the 2nd Grade pool, Australia have replaced “the Rug” with “Mr. Cricket” and are now taking a big punt that Tait and Johnson don’t have a breakdown (mental and physical respectively) over the next four weeks. Ex-Dutch star paceman Dirk Nannes has been called over from Melbourne as cover.

England’s walking ego, KP is heading home (although there has reportedly been confusion at the airport check-in as to exactly where that is, Natal or Southampton) to have a hernia OP and is being replaced by ex-Ireland star batter, Eoin Morgan.

Although Your Humble Correspondent has previously declared that the first 42 games were mere warm-ups that does not mean to say you can’t have good friendly matches... The only “real game” in the opening phase would be the Windies v. The Bangers which was played the other night. It turned out to be so one-sided the Home fans resorted to throwing in the towel to see if it could be stopped before any more damage had been inflicted. Unfortunately some of the said towels were subsequently found to be wrapped around bricks.

No change to the predictions for the last 8 being:

Ireland, Zim, Bangers, Holland, Kenya and Canada to all miss out.

ENGLAND HUMILIATED: WOT NO INQUEST?

Why is it that when England get trounced at cricket by the O'Brien brothers and their mate who used to play for Middlesex, there are no immediate headlines re Spot-Fixing and Match-throwing??

England are somehow, inexpicably, perceived to be above such shenanigans (which coincidentally sounds very much like an Irish word) and are dismissed by all and sundry to be just crap.

It’s just not fair; please allow the merest suspicion of a betting irregularity to try and hide some of their blushes.

BREAKING NEWS - Shane Watson IS a Cheat!

The evidence supporting the revelation that Shane Watson is a cheat is compelling and is based on the logical progression of events that started in Colombo, Sri Lanka in 2006.

Shane instructs Brad - "On my wink, unleash hell"

In August of that year whilst doing a commentary for South Africa’s Ten Sports, Dean Jones (the former Australian batting star) referred to South African cricketer Hashim Amla as a “terrorist”. The overwhelming evidence for this damming indictment to a potential world audience was that based on the facts that he was both:

 a) Muslim, and

b) had a beard.

Unfortunately for Deano the educated media came out and decided that such a rash assumption based on such flimsy evidence could imply that maybe Dean was more than just a little bit racist.

Obviously the CIA, FBI, Mossad, MI5 and the ILEA immediately contacted Jones for his advance terrorist recognition techniques and it was rumoured that job offers soon followed. Unfortunately for Deano the then Australian Prime Minister and self confessed “cricket-tragic”, John Howard, came out and publicly declared without prior request, that “Dean Jones is not a Racist”. This statement was believed by the Australian public although it was based on even flimsier evidence than Deano’s original character assassination.

Accordingly Deano’s next career step was abruptly curtailed when the World’s anti-terrorist bodies decided that purely un-informed racist guesswork was not their thing (although it was further rumoured that the FBI saw this as enhancing his suitability for a senior role.)

Roll forward to March 2011 and the Australian openers Shane Watson and Brad Haddin are the subject of spot fixing rumours due to their slow run rate against the less than impressive Zimbabwe opening bowling attack and as such the “cheating finger” is currently being pointed sharply at them; funnily enough by the media of India who, coincidentally, I would imagine are both Muslims and have beards.

So where is John Howard now when he is needed (GOD! never thought I’d ever write those words) his mere silence is more than enough evidence to firmly indicate to the World that those two must be so obviously”guilty as charged” that they may as well plead guilty, pack their whites and head of to the IPL, where they will feel more at home.

All this looks very poor for Shane Watson who up until now had had a reasonably unblemished reputation for fair play and hence I break the news to the World that he is by the logical argument presented above, a cheat of the 1^st order.

And Brad? Well unfortunately this is not news at all. Learned scribes before me have well documented Haddin’s cheating capabilities when in February 2009 in a ODI against New Zealand he clearly “cheated” Neil Broom’s wicket by disturbing the stumps with his gloves and claiming the batsman were bowled. Tricky Ricky immediately claimed “victim” status for Brad claiming that calling someone a “cheat”, as Daniel Vettori had correctly done, was a much more heinous crime than actually cheating itself. (Go Ricky! Go Ricky! A career in politics beckons).