Cricket World Cup Predictions (as verified by the Don)

To demonstrate what a complete joke the cricket groups are at the World Cup, my predictions for the Final 8 are as follows. (I’ve run them past both Don King and Mark Waugh’s bookie and we are all in agreement)

 Don King - has confirmed the predictions

Group A

Australia

Pakistan

Sri Lanka

New Zealand

Group B

South Africa

England

India

West Indies

Absolutely 100% predictable by just about anybody 28 days out from when the Group stage will finish.

The elephant in the room being the role of sub-continent bookies. There will be a BIG surprise at some stage though, maybe with England beating Ireland or something.......



Bizarre Cricket Connections No.1 - Nagpur & Melbourne

The current Cricket World Cup and Shane Warne have a lot of things in common. They are not just dour, bloated and un-interesting but also given obsession like coverage by the Australian media, and in particular my good friends at Channel 9.

 Never before has a match been so pointless, aimless and of no real interest to the general public and subsequently given so much TV coverage and column inches than this! (And the Cricket World Cup is pretty un-inspiring as well.)

Whilst we are all no doubt moderately pleased that serial "boy-about-town" Warney has a new love interest the coverage given by the local media is akin to that only reserved for poor unfortunates within the Royal family. The fact that they also both seem to tweet a “blow-by-blow” account of their romance just makes it more bizarre and newsworthy for the Australian media and appalling for the rest of us.

The same media have now finally found some proper news to cover with the Christchurch earthquake and have decided to leave Warney and his erstwhile partner in sleaze, Ricky Nixon, well alone. However I expect a new "twist" in the saga from Shane & Liz soon as they will be "heaps unhappy" that their personal media circus has found a more appropriate interest. (The shame on the faces of some of those very professional reporters who had to high-tail it down from Far-North Queensland to get the exclusive with the guys delivering Warnie's new mattress. Nuala Hafner you have my deepest sympathy).

Warnie’s romance will only be remembered as the story that filled the papers between the Cyclone and the Earthquake and that it was one big hoax being played out by the protagonists for some, as yet undetermined but probably Liz’s fashion label, commercial gain. (Or was that Warne’s ex-missus commercial gain?!)

A rare photo of Shane Warne

The first month of the Cricket World Cup is no different. Too much media hype, too many superlatives being thrown around for no real reason and a generally disinterested audience. Only the games involving the home teams have had crowds exceeding the “very poor” and this tournament will not get remotely interesting until April is well within sight.

Last night the Bangers beat Ireland. Big news for the c.164m Bangladeshis on the planet, (and some spread-betting syndicates), but pretty much no-one else. Of the 42 matches held in the Group phase only 1 will be pivotal as to the composition of the last-eight, namely that between the Windies & the Bangers. The rest are simply mere warm-up games. It’s all a big money making farce (Cricket World Cup not Warney this time) and no doubt the poor people of the host nations will vote with their feet for the meaningless games played between foreign countries....my God...it’s the Commonwealth games all over again!!.....which were last held prior to India in...You guessed it, MELBOURNE.

 

Tally Ho, Toodle Pip and Off We Go!

So the marathon six week cricket world cup had finally "kicked" off with a very gentle introduction for the anointed “big boys” and some very comfortable wins over some of the lesser cricket powers. India, Sri Lanka and (my favourites) NZ have all opened with wins, so comfortable, that the TV audiences have virtually been out-numbered by those actually at the ground. Canada, the Bangers and Kenya have shown that they really are in a 2^nd tier of competitors, although the Bangers are far and away the best of the Vauxhall conference teams, and I fondly remember the day in Cardiff 2005, when they saw of the then, and now, world champions Australia.

Well what have we learned from the first two days of competition?

1.       Ricky has started repeating the team psychologist words at press conferences. “We’re not here to defend anything, we’re here to win”. Yawn, yawn, yawn.

2.       Virender Sehwag likes scoring fast...and apples grow on trees and the Liberals will win the next NSW election....

3.       Canada are rubbish

4.       Kenya are worse than Canada

5.       That absolutely none of the criticism about the last world Cup in the Windies has been taken on board re: over bloated schedules and endless one sided games for the fast few weeks

6.       That Michael Clarke is rumoured (by those serial ratings spruikers Channel 9) to be getting a ticket to the Royal Wedding. (If anyone can explain where and why this rumour came from I’d be most interested).

Tips for the next few matches,:

No surprises,

Aus to beat Zim

England to beat the Dutchies.

Pakistan to beat Kenya.

Ricky’s quote of the day

“People say we don’t have any spin depth......but we’ve got Michael Clarke”

(Memo to Ricky: MJ Bingle hasn’t taken a ODI wicket since May 2009)

Ricky Ponting : glaring at the Pap who mocked his canary yellow pants 

Cricket World Cup - More Glory for Australia?

In Australia this year they have been celebrating the 40^th anniversary of the 1^st ever one day international. A rather hastily cobbled together game between the Ashes enemies was organised in order to satisfy spectators when the majority of the MCG test that year had been washed out. Australia won that match by 5 wickets and henceforth set the trend for the next 40 years where, once the dominance of the 70 and 80’s West Indian teams had been seen off, they went on to secure a finals birth in 5 out of the last 6 World Cup tournaments and have actually won the last three on the bounce.

Now, as the cricket-world has witnessed, the crown on Australia’s cricketing dominance has slipped recently culminating in their loss in the T20 World Cup Final and their humiliation in the recent Ashes series where they lost 3 home tests by greater than an innings. The Aussie public expect, because Channel 9 tells them to,  that Australia should and will dominate all variations of the game and now  like an ageing prize fighter who has lost his heaviest and lightest belts, it will manfully try and fight back off the ropes and land one final knockout punch in order to hang on to the One-Day trophy.  But does it have the firepower?

Since the loss of the vast majority of the champion team of the 90’s and noughties they are left with the battle-weary and tactically challenged captain, Ricky Ponting, and the Bingle-weary and tactically challenged vice-captain, Michael Clarke. Both of whom are woefully out of form and fatigued from endless advertising shoots.  To add to the fragile batting line up they have a an average wicket keeper (who can bat a bit), a wide-machine (who can bat a bit), no credible spinner, a 3-in1 average bowler, opening bat, and fielder coupled with some also rans who wouldn’t have been fit to pour, yet alone carry, the drinks for Messrs Waugh, McGrath, Warne and co.

To their credit they won the recent beer match / world cup warm-up series 6-1 against England but I really do not believe anyone took much stock from that other than the great spruiker of Aussie cricket, the heavily ratings biased  Channel 9, who have immediately installed them as 2nd favorites behind the host nation, India. They have then gone and followed this apparent turnaround in form with another heavy defeat following an Ashes style batting collapse against India in a warm-up game.

So Australia has no chance?.......don’t you Adam and Eve it. They will of course go on and win the World Cup for the following reasons:

1.       Ponting and Clarke must find form soon (mustn’t they)

2.       Every now and then Mitchell will get one in-line with the stumps and take a wicket

3.       They probably have more players with IPL experience than any other country, and

4.       Jason Krezja once took a lot of wickets in a test there.....(help! I’m running out of reasons)

But the main reason Australia will win is that they simply HAVE to. T20 cricket is there for the ADD generation, Test matches are there for the purists and the good old-fashioned 50 over match is lagging in a poor third place. The country that first brought us this exciting version of the game, brought us pyjama cricket, Bill Lawry commentary snippets, the worm and Tony Grieg’s keys, will secure the trophy and return triumphant to a no-doubt ticker tape parade and the Ashes will seem like a bad distant memory. This must occur for the survival of the 50 over game as we know it.

C’mon Aussie!!

PS. If Australia don’t win it....my tip is the Kiwis, in a valiant attempt to reduce the enormous national pressure from the All-Blacks later in the year they will step in and beat the Windies in the final.

Aussie captain and vice-captain showing off their Logie medals for services to TV advertising.

What’s the issue between Cyclists and Motorists??!!

I live in a city where there is currently open warfare between those who ride bikes and those who drive cars. The reasons why a modern 1^st world city should have an issue with something the rest of the world has been very able to deal with is beyond me and despite the fact that the populous is generally well educated it seems an anachronism in this “oh-so-laid-back” country that Australia purports to me.

The main arguments put forward by the pro-motorist lobby are that:

a)      Cyclists are not taxed and registered and hence have not right to infringe the progress of those who are (i.e. they should be, for all intensive purposes, be deemed “2^nd class road citizens”, and

b)      They constantly infringe road laws which due to the fact they are not as traceable (due to the no registration mentioned above) they generally escape censure.

The bicycle lobby will parry these lunges with:

a)      The road tax does not fund road building but the vehicle registration system (general  income tax is used for infrastructure such as roads), and

b)      Motorists are on very thin ice accusing others of poor adherence to road and traffic rules (i.e. speeding , going through amber or even red lights, tail gating etc. etc.),

And will counter with the undeniable benefits of cycling:

a)      No pollution

b)      Good exercise leading to better health for the community and the lower medical expenditure necessary

c)       Sustainable renewable means of transport which does not cause the wear and tear that motor traffic does on the road surfaces.

The above are all valid opinions held by both sides of the discussion however in this city I believe that there are two main issues as to why the battlelines are so firmly drawn:

a)      Terrain. This is a hilly city and the planning mandarins and their forefathers have never made any allowance that cyclists may wish to use the roads they are creating, and as the ones designated for motorists are generally on the ridges (and the flat bits between) any alternative “cycle-friendly-route” is generally free from some cars but virtually unusable to all but Olympic standard riders due to the gradient being far too steep, and

b)      Public Transport.  Due to the incredibly poor state of the public transport around the city the general populous is enjoying a long standing love affair with the automobile to the extent that for many, public transport is either not a viable option from an availability perspective or simply they are smitten by the car so much that they would never consider commuting by any other means.

Whilst the terrain of a city cannot generally be amended something can obviously be done about Public Transport, however the very people who could do something about this, State and local politicians, are the very ones who are besotted with their lovely motor cars. Hence an impasse has arisen, compounded by the exponential growth in cyclists over the last decade, and it should hopefully appear a matter of time before the provision of better facilities garners more consideration.

These are all part of the growing pains for any city as it expands beyond its original dimensions and it will no doubt catch-up to be comparable with its national and international rivals however the real issue on the “streets” today is the underlying animosity between the two types of road user. As is often the case in social issues the matter gets hijacked by irresponsible media commentators who, for the want of ratings, will attempt to polarise the issue into black and white to the point that some feel they are mandated to openly harass the “opposition” because, someone who should know better, told them to.  It’s the herd mentality at its worst and unfortunately because one side is armed with a 2 ton metal object and the other with simply their wits it invariably means there will be only one winner. (I am unaware of a motorist dying because a cyclist crashed into a vehicle.)

The bottom line on this is cyclists do not want to be around motor vehicle as much as motorists don’t want them in their way. However until better transport facilities are available they should try as much as they can to co-exist happily and allow the agent-provocateurs of the media to find another issue to blow hot-air over.

From Hereford Town to Molineux via India

In a famous FA Cup match played in the early 1970's, lower league Hereford Town beat the then top-flight powerhouse of Newcastle United with a long range scorcher of a goal that subsequently became a symbol of what is widely termed “the magic of the FA Cup”.  For many years English Football has been home to many a varied clichés but the one most fitting, pertaining to the FA cup, is that “Every dog has its day”, implying that forgetting the form book and the current lowly league status of any given club, that it is possible for them to pull off an upset which will be remembered in club lore for many years to come.

The footage of Ronnie Radford’s amazing goal for Hereford is still used to this day by the BBC in their opening titles for their FA Cup coverage. It coveys in a 5 second clip, more succinctly than any words, the pure beauty of not just football but indeed all sport. Unfortunately for the purists, upsets of this magnitude in any sport are now increasingly less likely as greater professionalism (read: “money”) has entered the game and the gulf between the “Herefords” and “Newcastles” of this world has become wider and wider until it is nigh on untraverseable.

Going forward 20 plus years and heading to the sub-continent of India we arrive at the scandal surrounding alleged match-fixing by the then South African cricket captain Hansie Cronje and the sporting world suddenly wakes up to the now familiar phrases of “match fixing” and “betting syndicates”. Phrases which have unfortunately seamlessly entered the 21^st century’s lexicon of Sport. Whilst rumours have persisted in sport since time immemorial that “boxers will dive”,” goalies will drop” and “jockeys will ease off” it was only with the Cronje incident that the world sat-up and became fully aware of the sheer potential scale and breadth of the rumoured activities of these oh-so-powerful and shadowy betting syndicates that now theories even persist that the aforementioned Cronje and latterly the former England batsman and then Pakistan coach, Bob Woolmer, deaths may have actually had some link with these clandestine gambling activities.

Now that the spectator is fully educated to the purported activities of these syndicates, and their wide ranging tentacles of influence, every time something occurs in World Sport that could be badged with the headline “the magic of...” then the cynic immediately starts to hypothesise whether all is exactly as it seems. From floodlights failing, to huge “no-balls”, unbelievable second-half comebacks, to bizarre team selections; every time the very things occur that actually drew us to the sport in the 1st place, (or even the downright bizarre,) some step back and think “I wonder?”.

Roll forward to the present day and last night the unbeaten leaders of the Premiership, Manchester United, were beaten 2-1 by the team in last place, Wolverhampton Wanderers. By all accounts they were very worthy winners and a complacent United got what they deserved. However on the same day three Pakistani cricketers were accused of “spot-fixing” and though prima facie the two stories have no link, other than they may well share the same back page tomorrow, the tragedy is that a link does exist, even if only in the mind of the cynical reader, and even if only 1% of your brain begins to say “I wonder?” then that part of your love of Sport has died a little bit more.

The world’s love affair with sport was built on Highs and Lows, Good times interrupting seemingly endless bad times, but if for just one moment  you felt that your emotions were being consciously manipulated by another, as in the world of romance, that love will die, to the extent possibly you may never love in the same way ever again.  

The Decline & Fall

When did Liverpool become a selling club??!!!

This week Liverpool signed the paperwork which finally consigned itself to the rank of “feeder club” to the New World Order of Premiership teams by selling probably the greatest striker in the game today, Fernando Torres, to their rivals Chelsea. An act greeted by the football world with disbelief and shock.  

I grew up in the age when the benchmark was set by the team in all red, the team that my brother supported, the team that won things other English clubs weren’t even competing for...the team I should have hated.

But I didn’t. However much I wanted to dislike them and support their poorer Lancashire neighbours from Stretford, you couldn’t help yourself, because Liverpool deserved respect. Heck! They even defined the word as far as English football was concerned. They were the Yankees; they were the All Blacks, the Steelers, Carlton, Clay and Nicklaus. They had reached the space that surpassed form for they were all substance.

Then all of a sudden they stopped winning, generations of superstars left for punditry and management and the earth quietly shifted on its axis. The fans were not familiar with such a poor return and the pressure quickly mounted for a prodigal son, King Kenny tried but still the fans wanted more and the reality of where we are today in 2011 was formed off the back of a second prodigal son, one who had plans no more calculated than “open cheque book”, “grab pen”, “sign away your heritage”.

Not since the days of Malcolm Allison has such gay abandon been applied to the signing of players. When Man City went on the spree in the early 80’s it was vaunted that it would take 20 years to recover (and almost as many managers!), Liverpool are proving themselves to be the 2^nd coming of Man city for its almost 20 years since Souness took over and to this day the club has not fully recovered. Phenomenal one-off wins in the Champions League cannot disguise the sorry truth that the club of yesteryear has sunk without trace. It is hard to believe the fact that Liverpool won the European Cup when it was at its hardest to win and under the old format they wouldn’t have even played in it since that fateful May day at Heysel in the mid 1980’s.

To Liverpool fans everywhere in the world, I pay my respects to the ancestors, to Hughes, Keegan, Dalglish, Grobellar, Kennedy (both), Hansen, Whelan et al. I hope your relegation to the shadows is not permanent.  I hope to see you again feasting at the top table and proving the old adage that form is temporary but class is forever.

Introduction

Why Row Z?

Row Z is the proverbial back row of the stand (although since the advent of mega sports stadia and the incarnation of row AA this has generally ceased to be):

·         It’s where the accurate views on the display being witnessed are formed and instantly discussed by the gurus of the faction.

·         It has a better view than Row A, because at the front you are too close to the action, but obviously it is not as panoramic and glamorous as the boxes that sit on the tier above row Z but up there you lose your view of the match in aimless corporate chatter.

·         It’s the proverbial place where all defenders, irrespective of their “libero” ambitions, are instructed to pass the ball to by nervous fans in the dying seconds. Thus al fans see Row Z as a haven from a potential late calamity.

·         It’s below the press box so your view is not hindered by a paymaster with a different agenda than yours.

And finally,

·         it’s near the exit, which is very handy for access to not only to an easy retreat after a poor performance but also the pies, bars and toilets which are all needed to oil the mind in the summing-up of the passage of play.